if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
