my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
