walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
