they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
