The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
