guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just gift wrapped bread.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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