Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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