drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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