he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
