Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
