in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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