You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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