So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
