Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
