So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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