My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
