I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
