And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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