it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
