Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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