I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
