Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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