Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
