got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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