got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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