Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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