this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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