I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
