Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
