I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
