Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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