If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
