Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
