yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You made out with two different species that night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
