Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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