You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
