You can't special order awesome
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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