He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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