i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD