I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑