Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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