Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.