I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>