i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found