you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
