i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
