hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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