I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
