awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
