I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
