My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
