census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
