I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
