She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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