i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
