evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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