Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
