i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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