you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
