It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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