so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
