I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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