end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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