Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
