girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drake has all the answers
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
