He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
